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New Year, new habits

ANOTHER new year is here. Brand new year, same old me, same old people. (How jaded can one get!) The thing is, with every new year, we can be one of two things: cynical or hopeful. It’s your call. The attitude you choose to have will make or break your 2012. And it’s not a question of positive or negative thinking either. It’s mainly a matter of conviction.

New habits are easy to develop. The wise thing to do, however, is to develop new habits that are good. Good for you. Good for others. I don’t know what’s easier to develop -- good or bad habits. But it surely takes time, consistency, and a certain amount of determination to make something a habit.

I think these are a few good habits to develop:

1. Classify your blessings -- from the most important ones to the least. This puts our lives in proper perspective. We often take our biggest blessings for granted because we don’t even bother to classify them. How do you know which blessings are The Biggies? Easy. Just ask yourself: what would make me very, very, very miserable if it was taken away from me today? Start listing down ten items. They can be people, objects or anything in the animal-mineral-plant category. Clue: how would you score on the Happiness Meter if your sense of sight were taken away today?

2. Classify your problems from the biggest to the smallest -- and start solving them in that order. We sometimes call problems "issues." I think that could be a serious misnomer because an issue doesn’t scream to be dealt with. A problem screams at you for a solution. A problem nags you for a solution. When we don’t bother to classify our problems, we tend to delay solving them, be in denial about them, and sweep them under the rug. Or we distract ourselves by perpetually solving smaller problems. Thus we never get around to solving the big ones! And, as is the nature of unsolved problems, they may get bigger and bigger and bigger -- until one day they just explode or implode. And woe unto us who have to pick up the pieces. Woe unto us who have to do the mop-up operations. Woe unto us who have to live in the ruins and rubble of unsolved problems.

3. Don’t make compromises. Don’t cut corners. Don’t be mediocre. Don’t be absent when you should be present. Don’t pretend you’re busy while you let others do most of the work. Bosses should work harder than their subordinates. Earn your team’s respect: If you expect hard work from your team, work harder than them. Don’t be lazy. Don’t procrastinate. Do not over-delegate. Don’t take extended vacations while your team is neck-deep in work. Don’t just plan and theorize and talk more than you work. Learn the ropes. Go where the action is. Get your feet wet! If it’s a good thing, finish what you started. Live up to your commitments. Live a life of integrity.

4. Stay away from bad company. Don’t hang out with people who have vices: drinking, gambling, addicted to drugs, pornography, computer games, borrowing money, etc. Stay away from ingrates. Stay away from lazy people. Stay away from people who are negative, critical, judgmental. Stay away from gossips. Stay away from back-stabbers. Stay away from Users. Stay away from flatterers, fakers, boot-lickers and ass-kissers. You might have to work with them or live with them, but you don’t have to hang out with them. Unless you want to be one of them.

5. Be an encourager, a dream releaser, a people builder. Be an example of diligence, hard work, good stewardship. Show excellent work ethics. Take care of your people. Try to get more benefits and opportunities for them (not only for yourself). Be sensitive to other people’s feelings -- treat people right and most of the time, they’ll treat you right. Every day, encourage someone. Every day, praise someone who deserves it. Every day, help someone to do better, feel better. Every day, do a deliberate act of kindness -- first, within your family. Then outside your home. Remember to say thank you for every kindness shown to you.

6. Be forthright in dealing with others. Make it a habit to go directly to the person you have a problem with. Don’t be a coward. Don’t send spies or emissaries to sniff around for you. Don’t let someone else do your dirty laundry. Be man enough to confront people directly.

7. Be loyal. Remember the value of long-standing friendships. Remember the people who helped you become who you are today. Don’t forget those who opened doors and opportunities for you. Stand by them through thick and thin. Defend those who have shown you kindness. Go out on a limb for those who spoke up for you and defended you. Never forget that what goes around comes around.

8. Be brave. Speak up when you have to. Don’t be afraid to disagree when you think something’s wrong. Don’t be a yes-man, a robot, a clone. Don’t be a wimp. Learn to think for yourself. Resist "boss pressure," peer pressure, or "loss of perks pressure." Don’t put a price tag on your loyalty, courage or integrity. Express yourself clearly, firmly, and respectfully when you dare to disagree. Say NO when you’re being asked to do something wrong, unethical, dishonest, disloyal. Don’t do things behind people’s backs. Be brave. Do things up-front, eye-to-eye, face-to-face. People will trust and respect you if you do.

9. Be realistic. Know your strengths and weaknesses. When it comes to work, focus on your strengths. When it comes to character, focus on your weaknesses. Do not bite off more than you can chew. Don’t spread yourself too thin. Don’t run after a girl who’s way out of your league (and vice-versa). Don’t apply for, or accept a position, that you’re not qualified for. Be level-headed when you define your goals: too optimistic, and you’ll fall flat on your face. Too pessimistic, and you’ll never get anywhere. Just be realistic. Setting achievable goals makes Success easier to attain. Life, in general, becomes so much more pleasant. And YOU will become more pleasant! I think a lot of stressed-out, crabby people are also very, very unrealistic people.

10. Expect the best from God. Only God. Wittingly or unwittingly, people will disappoint us. And we will always disappoint people. That’s being realistic. It’s part of the Imperfect Reality we live in. As long as we’re alive, we will deal with one another unjustly, and in a variety of ugly, hurtful, selfish ways -- because we are selfish. We are all selfish. Whether you believe that or not doesn’t matter, actually. The fact is, man was selfish from the very beginning -- even when he had no reason at all to be selfish. Even when he was living in the blissful, idyllic conditions of Eden, man wanted more. He wasn’t content. Adam and Eve just wanted more for themselves. Only one wrong choice was possible in Eden. But Mother of all Mistakes, Adam and Eve made that one wrong choice! As a result, we are now faced with a gazillion wrong choices.

The habit of expecting the best from God, not man, is one of the best habits we can develop and strengthen for a lifetime. Some of our deepest hurts come from depending on ourselves, or other people, for our happiness. The tragedy of that kind of thinking is this: we will always fail each other. We will always fail ourselves. But God is perfect. He’s the only one who’s perfect. Logically, we can expect the best from Him always. If you were to put all your eggs in one basket, put them in God’s.

We may, at times, be disappointed with Him -- especially when things don’t go our way. Sometimes He allows us to fail miserably, suffer through agonizing pain, or drown in unbelievable misfortune. So we end up flabbergasted and disappointed, big time. But our disappointment with God would be largely due to our faulty human perception.

Whenever I’m disappointed with God, I have to remind myself that He’s perfect. I’m not. So guess who’s wrong here?!! If we discipline our minds to think that God never makes mistakes, and He wants only the best for us, then we can expect God to make something good come out of the worst situations. We just need to keep trusting, keep obeying Him. Good habits are the fruits of perseverance.

Make it a habit. Expect only the best from God. As I always tell our children when something absolutely marvelous comes out of a heart-wrenching disaster: "But only God can make a tree." It’s a line from a poem that I memorized in grade school. And it has given our family hope and joy -- even in the most trying situations.

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